Personal Treatment Decisions…Living with Brain Cancer

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In my profile I mentioned that I chose to quit chemotherapy in December 2012. It may sound extreme but I am having chemo remorse and wish I didn’t start it to begin with. I don’t feel it benefited my situation and I am pretty pissed off that I was rushed to make preventative treatment decisions. I would have liked to have been given more information and time. I had an intense treatment that consisted of 2 IV chemo meds and an oral chemo med – Cisplatin, Lomustine, and Vincristine. If you’ve had chemo you would understand the “brain fog” and fatigue. I barely remember much during treatment from July to December. I know I was a complete mess internally. From my brain all the way down to my feet. I had all the classic side effects. Memory loss, personality changes, hormonal changes, weight gain (which really sucks!!), peripheral neuropathy and the list goes on. I was super lucky I only vomited once, but I had like zero appetite, everything tasted like metal! I am pretty sure the steroids caused the weight gain plus the tumor itself. The brain tumor I have is right smack dab in the middle of my brain, above the brain stem. I call it the evil dot. Lol!

I would like to know why there is so much ignorance (especially in the small “city” I live in) about brain cancer! It seems like it affects other people more than it affects me. Medical professionals ask what type of cancer I have and when I tell them, I get this pathetic look. I hate those looks! When I was wheeled in for my port-a-cath removal the nurses where like “Oh this must be a great day for you!!” I’m like YA I get this stupid POS out of me! Because I am choosing to do so, not because it’s allMay TD over for me! Then more strange looks and inquisitive “why’s” I am getting sick of explaining why I am so anti-chemo! Who in their right mind would want chemo?? I realize there are certain cancers that require it and many, many people take it. But brain cancer is such a “maybe” will work type of treatment. Its QUALITY of life I want not necessarily quantity, though my husband and family members would beg to differ though they saw what I went through and are totally understanding. But it’s still my choice and whatever time I have left on this earth, I want to enjoy it. 6 months of chemo has taken away so much from me, and well the brain tumor too. It’s hell. I feel compassionately empathetic for the people who need chemo or feel pressured to take it. Do the benefits outweigh the risks? I don’t know. Would a vegan/raw diet work better at building up immunity and blood cells? There are so many natural cancer treatments, why are people so scared to try them? I guess this is an extremely opinionated first diary huh?

I have a lot on my mind and with my MRI results coming up this Friday I always get emotional and paranoid. I hope I haven’t offended anybody. I guess I just feel like there has to be more than radiation and chemo for brain cancer patients. Something with less side effects.