Absence of Cancer Relief…

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I saw Oncology doctor today. There is no longer any visual signs of lung cancer in my chest, abs or pelvic region. Yay!

I told the Doctor – do not mind if I am not overjoyed. I am thankful! He answered I was hoping for a more happy response. I told him you will see the happy dance five years down the road and the cancer has not returned!

I shared how sick I have been and how this must be normal for going thru chemo and radiation. I shared how my right hand feels so strange and it has also affected my whole right side of my body. I shared how sick I feel and it feels like the flu and the pain is a 10 type and brings me to tears. I told him the neck, shoulder and head pain hurts me so bad, I have to take pain med several time a day now. I shared how I began running a fever the last couple days.

I shared how this all must be normal as all the drugs are leaving my body along with the 90 days IV antibiotics. I shared since it will take a year for me to recover from this I am trying to relax thru the process. He wanted to know who told me it takes 1 year. He shared I am supposed to be feeling better already.

He also shared the radiation did not hurt me. I asked really? Just maybe we are all not alike when it comes to healing Dr. I have dealt with major health crisis Ra for 30 years and with this year, about now it really sucks being me. This was not what he wanted to hear.

He watched me get onto the exam table and asked how long has this been going on? I asked what? He said you could hardly lift your right leg, you almost fell. I told him I guess 2 weeks ago, (I forgot to tell him I suddenly fell at that time too in the middle of the night in the bathroom.) I began feeling so sick. My right hand feels so weird and I can’t bend the thumb anymore. The hand has a weird sensation all the time now. I began crying during all this and then could not stop the tears.

Sorry but I hate crying in front of Doctors!

When he was done with exam he asked me could I handle having a brain MRI now. He told me he wants to rule out cancer in my brain. I told him okay. I have MRI tomorrow. This makes me nervous being in the tiny enclosed place that is so loud!

I will see doctor again this Friday for results. He also wants me to begin palliative care. This is care to help the WHOLE person. I told him I will be glad to do this, I need the support right now. But they will NOT pile on all kinds of drugs to overburden my body. I am overwhelmed – while the cancer appears to be gone, I feel as if I am not well. So we wait to see what is next…